Does Anyone Like Allan Gilmour?

Some people think I'm funny, others think I'm an obnoxious show off. However, I don't give a shit what anyone thinks as long as they think I'm beautiful.

Hobby Jobby

Congratulations, America!

You have opened the flood gates for all things anti-human by allowing religious exemption to a law requiring employers to pay for workers’ contraception!

Brava! It must feel so good to shit on something that would help a lot of people! Or should I say women. God forbid we give women anything! Whores!

I’ve been thinking, though. Why don’t we mandate all men to get vasectomies? Since men are allowed to take Viagra, it makes sense, don’t you think?

A law that makes men shoot blanks! It’s genius! That way we wouldn’t have to deal with looking at any of these sluts in a court room every time you want to take more rights from them.

Or! Let’s just send all the women to an island, let the bitches fend for themselves and hopefully they’ll just die.

#religioniskillingus #HobbyLobby #cunts

Can you spot me? I’m wearing McQueen.
Is this too obsessive?

Lets All Just Sexercise and Get Over It

The backlash on this is disturbing. People are using words and phrases such as ” too old”, “sluty”, “bad influence”, “ridiculous”, “trying to compete with the younger singers” and “desperate”. 

Firstly, Kylie Minogue is only 45. And people saying that she is “too old” is shallow and reductive. Are you saying that anyone over the age of 45 can’t be sexual? Are you seriously willing to take a stand AT THIS POINT when in the past year we’ve had rape anthem “Blurred Lines”, Miley Cyrus’s tongue literally shoved down our throats every time she’s in front of a camera, and questionable antics of people in power? 

OK, the song is average, but the bitch has an album to sell. She’s not doing anything that any of these other girls haven’t done. AND she’s doing it BETTER! Rihanna’s songs straight-up suck, and her videos are so overly sexual that they’re boring. 

Kylie is a REAL star. And has earned the right to produce any type of work she pleases. So, please shut the fuck up and teach your own kids not to be whores (I’m including boys in that too) instead of blaming Kylie fucking Minogue any time one of them gets a fucking STD. 

Gravity Wins Best Film (kind of)

Well, here we are again. The Academy Awards were last night and Ellen ended the run of terrible hosts we’ve endured over the years. Historically, that room has a tendency to be a smidge up tight. But Ellen loosened them up by taking selfies, ordering Pizza and schmoozing the audience. It was definitely a more relaxed show.

Here are some highlights;

Liza Minnelli was bra less. Her areolas are now the official symbol for future Academy Awards.

Anne Hathaway wore a discoball breast plate.

Sternums are still very much in fashion.

Whoopi Goldbergs stylist was shot dead.

John Travolta can’t read.

Idina Menzel fucked the power note at the end of her song. Broadway will turn its lights off for 5 minutes in memoriam.

Golden Hawn won “actress most determined to remain cute after 40 years”

Pharrell wore peddle pushers on the red carpet. #fuckyou

Bette Midler sang Wind Beneath My Wings. It was ridiculous and brilliant at the same time.

Gravity won virtually EVERY award, but NOT best picture. #stupid

The padding of commercial breaks was both nauseating and endless.

Matthew McConaughey’s speech was meandering and pointless. Oh, and stupid.

The theme of show appeared to be “Montage”.

P!nk sang Over the Rainbow. Brad Pitts hairdresser was fired after her appearance.

Tele-prompt issues appeared touch and go.

Jared Leto won. His hair won also. Kerry Washington was seen trying to scissor it for her weave. 

Two Broadway douche bags won and done an ass sweatingly lame skit. #ew

Jamie Fox is desperate for attention.

Kerry Washington should NOT wear plum lipstick. EVER! 

Jim Carrey is alive and well. His Bruce Dern impersonation was the low point of the ceremony. 

Kim Novak was the Jacqueline Bisset of the evening. However, she did let us see what Madonna will look like in 5 years. 

Charlize Theron wore PLASTIC STRAPS on top of her gown. I hope someone was fired for that. 

Chan Chan Tay Tay introduced Angelina’s kids. I think. 

Gulianna Rancic died of renal failure, shortly after her E! Red Carpet coverage. 

J Law started yelling at someone from the stage while she was presenting best actor. She looked like a crazy person and should have been tazed on the spot. 

Joining me on this marathon of commercials and montages was my best friend Robbie. He was at his home in Canada, furiously messaging me every time someone did something ridiculous. Our back and forth during the ceremony is summed up beautifully in this exchange regarding Idina Menzels performance. 


He hates Idina Menzel. So he is a tad bias. 

And thats all I got. I only thought about quiting a few times during the night. But all in all it was a fun show. 

See you next year. 

Katie Hopkins - The Death Knell Ringeth

A petition for Katie Hopkins to be expelled from ANY public appearances on ITV has reached 75,000 signatures. 

As much as I dislike Katie, I feel like we are focusing our attention on things that really don’t matter. Katie is just an annoying biggot, much like John McCririck or Jeremy Clarkson. What kind of person would I be if I took her seriously? Worst still, so seriously that I was willing to sign a petition to ban her from being on telly? No. I have absolutely NO interest in fuelling this. 

The idea that over 75,000 people signed an online petition is maddening to me. How about we try and get 75,000 people to give a fuck about something that actually matters. How about all of you start an anti-bullying campaign? That will bring light to something that matters AND give you a platform to talk about the various shades of bullying (that include Katie).

So come on, lets stop being ridiculous and start focusing on real issues instead of complaining about people who are desperate for the attention we’re giving them. 

Lena Dunham; Fat Actress

Please do not take the title of this post as a slight on LD. I ADORE her. The title is in relation to the utterly ridiculous bounty that Jezebel magazine has placed for an untouched outtake from Lena’s recent Vogue shoot.

Does anyone else feel like Jezebel (who btw I had to do a lil goog on cos I’d never even heard of them) are potentially attempting to hitch a ride on the Lena zeitgeist? By asking for a ridiculous sum of money ($10,000) for an untouched shot, taken by a photographer at an internationally known magazine, it kind of feels a little transparent to me.

Not only that, HuffPost were virtually salivating at the mouth when reporting it.

Lena D is a smart, funny and attractive girl. Sure, she’s not rail thin, but so fucking what! Neither is Mindy Kaling and she is absolutely beautiful. Can’t Lena just be a brilliant writer and actress without being made into the poster girl for actresses who are slightly over-weight? It’s obnoxious and boring. Get a new fucking angle, please! I beg of you. And stop reporting ignorance and stupidity.

If You Ignore It, It’ll Go Away

Usually I’m dead against self-reflection and “what if” thinking, but I have recently experienced a moment in my life where I had to think about how I consume the terabytes of information that we receive every hour of every day.

In a heated conversation with one of my best friends regarding Tom Daley’s decision to kind of, sort of come half way out of the closet, I found myself pondering what content I am willing to take seriously.

Wether it be a blog entry from a random internet troll, a two line Tweet from Digital Spy, a full report from Huff Post or a full blown exposé in Vanity Fair, thanks to these sources, I am kept in the loop of what is going on in our world. Trivial or otherwise.

However, as a consumer of this content, I am within my rights to take notice of what is being said, then throw it away if I think it should be disposed of.

For arguments sake, I will use Tom Daley’s coming out as an example. Up until a few weeks ago, Tom Daley was an Olympic diver. But now, he has graduated from simply A Diver to Tom Daley; Gay Diver. A few newspaper articles and some TV News reports followed what appeared to be a seamless transition for this young lad who had came out to his fans.

To me, the reaction was positive.

My friend, on the other hand, felt that there seemed to be some kind of mutiny happening. He swore there was a witch hunt, and insisted that people where scrambling to source photographs of Tom and his boyfriend, Dustin Lance Black. I was taken aback slightly because, as previously stated, it appeared to me that the coming out was hitch-less.

However, my friend was right. In the dark seedy corners of the internet, many people only had negative things to say regarding this 19 year old boy. Comments that I wouldn’t repeat, but for the sake of research, I did a quick Google search. What I found, where negative people who are yolked to hatred. People who are not worth the internet space they fill.

Thankfully, I found zero negative reactions from respected publications and websites.

Which brings me to my point; if you look for negativity, you are going to find it. These people don’t contribute anything to society, so why even give them attention as though they do.

We’re living in a world where we’re told women aren’t funny. Yeah, well some men aren’t fucking funny either. Melissa McCarthy was called ‘obese’ in a review of one of her movies. Really? What if she is obese? So fucking what? If you choose not to see a movie because the star is too fat, then that is your problem. And because one idiot made a dick comment, the whole movie AND Melissa’s performance were totally tossed in the trash. Ann Coulter is a ridiculous person. FACT. What exactly are her fucking qualifications, if any? And does this make her qualified to be invited on TV to vomit her republican nonsense over everyone? All I hear when she speaks is someone who is poisoned by hatred which is fueled by her desperation for attention. Worst still, when she does make reductive comments, it is given news leads and column space. Who fucking cares what Ann Coulter thinks? Fox News? A organisation who are universally known as bigots? Ann, when you go on a talk show to promote a book, then end up BEING the story? That does not make you cool or edgy. It simply makes you the story.

Stop shining a light on peoples ignorances. It makes them look like they have a point if we are constantly scouring the internet for their reactions on things. Especially things that are supposed to be positive.

I’m sick to death of people attaching ridiculous comments and utter nonsense onto themselves and letting it interrupt their own way of thinking. All I’m seeing on Facebook and Twitter is how people are hacked off with something that someone they don’t even know has said or done.

Katie Hopkins thinks kids that have places for names are scum. Good for her. But trust me, that woman hates herself. She’s a vapid, vacuous, non-entity so why even take her views seriously. As long as YOU are not judging people by their name, then you can sleep at night.

Don’t get me wrong, I can be judgemental. But I’m certainly not inciting hatefulness and indulging in plain rudeness. I made a joke about Katy Perry’s performance on X Factor tonight. The girl was out of tune. The end. But you don’t see me hurling insults based on her appearance or character. I don’t fuckin’ know Katy Perry.

I’m not trying to tell anyone how to go about consuming all the information we receive. I’m just asking that you take a second to ask yourself if what your seeing or hearing is really worth your time. And try to disassociate yourself from hatred.

My mum always told me “some people deserve to be ignored.”

And if you do ignore them, they’ll go away.

Crank that shit up!!!
Two of my babies. X

Diva O’ the Day.

Sometimes, I get called a Diva. 

I’m not sure how I feel about this. 

I’m 99% sure that when someone calls you a diva, they’re pretty much calling you a cunt. 

Oscar Night. More Like Oscar Shite.

So, the Academy Awards were last night. And I have to say, never have I witnessed such an abomination. Here is a few bullet points from the evening:

Seth MacFarlane could have been a great host. But if your audience is a bunch of assholes then you’re pretty much fucked. And thanks to the latency of the audience, we’re probably going to suffer another year of Billy fucking Crystal next year. I know you’re not really supposed to blame your audience, but to hell with that! Those chumps were UP. TIGHT. And when the highlight of the night is someone falling UP a flight of stairs, then that’s a problem.

Anne Hathaway, when collecting her award, uttered the phrase “It came true” while staring at her Oscar as though it were a real person. And with those three words, the entire world vomited over their TV’s. She then proceeded to recite the speech that she had so painstakingly (and obviously) prepared. I wanted to be dead in that moment.

Shirley Bassey performed Goldfinger. More like Oldfinger. Having said that, as someone who was born BC, she looked great.

Adele performed Skyfall, live, for the first time ever. And was literally upstaged by the sea of musicians behind her because someone forgot to turn her fucking mic up. I hope someone got fired for that.

Catherine Zeta Jones performed All That Jazz for absolutely no apparent reason what-so-ever. Oh yeah, and she lip-synced the shit out of it. She even did Renee’s parts. Then Jennifer Hudson came out and shit on everyone. PS she’s lost a lot of weight since Precious; Based on the novel Bush by Satire.

Kristen Stewert presented an award with Harry Potter. She was covered in bruises and limping. This was literally the most hysterical moment of the entire evening. By the looks of her hair, I’d say she was dragged through a hedge backwards. Then someone kicked the shit out of her.

Halle Berry came out dressed as a skyscraper to present the Bond montage. She said the words “Pussy Galore”.

(Flashback to writers room of the Academy Awards:

“So, when Halle Berry says Pussy Galore, the room is going to

go batshit crazy!”)

Meanwhile back on stage; Tumbleweed.

And with that, the show ends and my void is still left unfilled.

I’m changing my blog…

It will now be called, Does Anyone Like Anne Hathaway? 

Good, god! Could she be any more twee? 

American TV; A Celebration of Stupidity.

I have a slight fear of America. My fear is based on their gun culture, hypocritical politics, obsession with fame and their tendency to make TV stars out of people who are clearly mentally ill.

My Thoughts on Jodie Foster’s Speech

Good thing she hates being famous because I literally could not fucking care less whether she was a lesbian or not.